Love Is...

Mal, The Cupid Betta

You could say that love is instant, love is known the moment you lay eyes on that person or object or emotion. And you would be right. Love is instant. Love is also slow. Love takes time. Love doesn't always show itself right away, sometimes love hides in the shadows and you wouldn't realize it was ever there... until one day it peeks out from around the corner and you catch a glimpse of it. It might give you a scare at first. You might jump back with your heart beating in your chest, trying to tell you this was a surprise and it could be dangerous and you should run away and and... whoa, you really do love them. This was unexpected. In all the time that you've known them, you never thought it would come to this... Here it is like a slap in the face. Saying "Come on! What are you waiting for? The potential has been here all along! Why did it take you so long to figure this out?"
Well, you see, there's this thing called incompatibility... "What's that?" It can be chemistry, religion, life goals, relationships, age... Sometimes you can fall in love with someone that you can never be with.
Now how did you manage to get yourself in this mess? Especially those of us who are very good at keeping up walls against these forbidden situations. It's better for all of us if those walls stay up exactly where they are. No, you will not cross that line.. that is a wall. And it will not be crossed. I am not arguing over this. The wall stays. Wait.. where did that hole come from? Why is the secret door open?? Curse human biology. Curse it all. Now you're here, on my side of the wall. And the secret door is once again shut tight, but you are on the wrong side of it. What do we do with this?
While this emotional battle is happening in your own mind, on the outside you find yourself excessively giggling at stupid jokes and daydreaming as you stare off in the distance and listening to sickeningly happy love songs. Now you're just embarrassing yourself with the country love playlist. And now your ex/coworker saw you swaying your hips in the back room you were working in that morning. You've done it now. You've gotten yourself into this mess and now you can't get yourself out. In your own defense perhaps the other side didn't do anything to prevent this occurrence. But now you both find yourselves staring at each other in complete awe struck confusion and bewilderment.
On the inside... You are just a figment. Just like these walls and that secret passageway are figments of my imagination. I can think you right out of my mind and you'll only be a real person with no power over my emotions, and then these walls will go back to the way they were and we can all be happy. And for a moment you think that works, your walls are in tact, there is no loving feelings, all is good and safe and exactly how it is supposed to be. But it's not that way at all when you drift off into your fantasies and see them as this knight who's going to sweep you off your feet and keep you safe from all that is evil in the outside world.
It doesn't just go away. You can't force it to disappear. It would makes things so much simpler if that were the case. None of this growing pent up frustration. No more heartache.
And this is why we have walls. People around you may give you a hard time and tell you that you would be so much better off if you would just let your walls down... But they have no right to say that when they don't know what lies behind them. All the emotions that we are hiding behind them.
Love is painful. Love hurts. Love can destroy you from the inside out. Do not let it control you. Do not let it take away the things that you care about. Find the kind of love that embraces you and everything you stand by, walls and all. Without obstacles, without secrets, without frustration.
Find love that is there to nurture you. And act in kind.